Deciding to get counseling, or choosing to attend a marriage or parenting seminar isn’t easy:
- Is the expense worth it?
- Will I get the answers I need?
You Will Get Answers
You’ll get answers to these questions and more. But not only that, you will understand the deepest reasons for behaviors so you can answer your own hard questions.
- Why do people fight? You’ll be able to answer this with one word. You’ll be surprised you didn’t figure it out yourself. Marriage counseling and relationship counseling that doesn’t answer this question will not be entirely helpful. (Counseling topic: conflict, divorce.)
- Why do some people “hide” themselves? (Counseling topic: identity.)
- Why are most men so focused on pleasure? There are two base reasons and it’s not complicated. Does your counselor know these two reasons? (Counseling topic: desires.)
- What is the deepest way to understand motivation beyond nature and nurture? What really “moves” us to action. Good counseling must address this. (Counseling topic: human motivation.)
- What does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy miss? CBT can be somewhat helpful for some people but not for others. See this article (especially the chart near the bottom): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3584580/
There’s something deeper and more important than our thoughts. What is this deepest layer of the human psyche? Consider this question: Why do we think about what we think about? There’s a reason. Our thoughts have a source. You’ll be surprised you didn’t see it before and this will probably be an “aha moment” for you.
- Why do couples fight over money? Marriage partners almost always view money differently, right? Knowing the desires “beneath” the money arguments will help you. (Counseling topic: conflict.)
- What can you do to stop yourself from fighting with your children? There are no easy-buttons here. This will take work on your part; you will need to grapple with your deepest thoughts and wants. (Counseling topic: parenting, conflict.)
- Here are the top behavioral problems of children which family counseling and therapy must address: disrespect, defiance, backtalk, aggressiveness, lying, bullying, manipulation, laziness. Are your children doing any of these? Why? You’ve probably noticed that your children didn’t need to be taught how to do these–they just do them naturally. Why is that? Where did they come from and how can parents address these with confidence? True love will cause you to do the hard thing in a given situation. (Counseling topic: parenting, behavior.)
- What can a parent do about whining? When you understand what’s behind whining, you will know what to do. We give you two short, stress-free sentences to say that fix whining. It usually works in less than a day. (Counseling topic: parenting, behavior.)
- What causes someone to be overly concerned about appearance and their social media persona? Have you noticed that those who are most focused on massaging their public image through social media are usually the ones who have the hardest time with relationships? This article touches on the problem, but we’ll approach this from another angle. Being overly concerned about image and appearance can affect relationships because it’s a self-centered mindset that makes it all about “me” instead of “we.” Take this test to see if you have a problem. Most counseling doesn’t know how to address this. (Counseling topic: image, relationships.)
- Why are some people so narcissistic? Click here to read about Narcissism. After the seminar, you’ll understand the behavior of the narcissist better than the narcissist himself/herself. (Counseling topic: behavior.)
- What’s really behind the inferiority complex? HINT: Those who accurately compare themselves with others, and correctly see they have lesser ability or status are those who are prone to developing an inferiority complex. What’s really happening here? Warning: you might find yourself pushing back at this teaching. (Counseling topic: motivation, self-image.)
- Why are we so enamored with famous and beautiful people? Why are those magazines at store checkouts so captivating? (Counseling topic: desires.)
- Why do people tend to overestimate themselves? Read this. And this article on “illusory superiority” is interesting. Did you know that the self-esteem movement is finally being challenged? It’s about time. You might find this 5-minute video interesting: Why incompetent people think they’re amazing. (Counseling topic: self-help.)
- Why is it that children can be so mean? Children who grow up in nurturing homes AND those from rough homes can do some ugly things. NOTE: We easily mistake the “vulnerability” of children for “innocence.” Those who believe children are completely innocent either haven’t been a parent, or are overly romanticized about the nature of children. It can be disturbing to witness what children can sometimes do to each other when adults are absent. There’s a reason why school playgrounds need adult supervisors. (Counseling topic: parenting, behavior.)
- Why is there so much evil in the world? If people are innately good, as many believe, then why are all these good people doing so many bad things? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- Why do some people totally isolate themselves and shut themselves off from others? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- Why do some men never want to talk? Sadly, this can happen even at marriage counseling. (Counseling topic: marriage, relationships.)
- Why does your husband or wife, or anyone else, clam up? Blow up? (Counseling topic: marriage, relationships.)
- One major myth in the understanding of human behavior is that “you are your brain.” Why is this a myth? You are not at the mercy of your brain and you’ll learn why.
- What is one major cause of addiction? We won’t be so simplistic as to try to explain all addiction, but there is one major aspect you must know. (Counseling topic: self-help, addictions.)
- What’s behind procrastination? (Counseling topic: self-help.)
- What causes greediness and stealing? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- What’s the “Know-It-All” thinking that causes him or her to speak a word about just about everything? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- What causes a person to be a “control freak?” Relationships with a control-freak never work unless one partner doesn’t mind being controlled. Is your current counseling addressing the reasons for control? (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- Why are some people so easily offended, touchy, argumentative, and opinionated? When you learn this, you will understand people better, and then you can have patience to navigate this with kindness. Is your counseling/counselor addressing this? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- Why is it some people are unable to go very deep in relationships? For them, it seems every relationship is hollow and distant with nothing really close. (Counseling topic: marriage, relationships.)
- You’ve probably met someone who wants to be loved, adored, and be someone’s all-in-all. That doesn’t play out well in real life does it? What’s happening here? (Counseling topic: self-understanding, relationships.)
- What causes racism and elitism? (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- Do you have a hard time apologizing? Why? (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- What causes divisions between people? (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- What causes arguments for couples? HINT: It’s not the circumstances. (Counseling topic: marriage, relationships.)
- What causes fights between siblings? When you understand this, you can help your children navigate their relationships with you, their siblings, and others. You can give them a head-start in life by helping them see the world as it really works. The three desires you will learn are what drive our entire world. Is your family therapy or family counseling helping you with this? (Counseling topic: parenting, behavior.)
- You’ve met people who have a high need for admiration. Why are they like that? You maybe avoid these kinds of persons, right? (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- What is the deepest reason for pouting in children (and adults)? What can you do to stop it? (Counseling topic: parenting.)
- Are desires good or evil? Should we be concerned about ridding ourselves of desire? (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- What disastrous event in the history of humankind caused chaos in the psyche of man? Have you noticed the self-centered approach you tend to have toward life? It’s not easy to care about others is it? Why? (Counseling topic: caring for others.)
- How are we to understand psychology’s teaching on nature and nurture? Is there value in understanding these? Yes, but there’s something deeper and more important to understand. The nature/nurture explanation of human behavior tends to treat the human as passive, and leaves you believing you are a result of things you can’t control. Good counseling must reveal that we are not passive in our interactions. (Counseling topic: psychology, self-understanding.)
- Ever been in a “unilateral listening” conversation where you knew the other wasn’t listening but prepping the next argument? Have you ever done that? What’s behind this? (NOTE: Problems will never be solved unless both persons are listening.) (Counseling topic: marriage, relationships.)
- Why do some people always have to “one-up” everyone else? (Counseling topic: self-image.)
- Have you been counseled to “love yourself?” Maybe you found that counseling advice to be hollow and that when you tried to love yourself that nothing really changed, or that maybe your relationships actually got worse. Why does “love yourself” not work? (Of course, we must take care of ourselves and not allow ourselves to be manipulated by others, but you will notice that those who “love themselves” supremely tend to have the most relationship problems.) (Counseling topic: self-understanding.)
- How does “self-monitoring” and “impression management” affect relationships? Quintessential illustration: Think of the shallow teen girl meeting the cute teen guy–the flips of the hair, the phony giggles, the coy smiles, and the flattery. It’s a one-act play on the stage of life that has very specific end goals. How does this approach to relationships affect the relationship long term? (HINT: whenever one person in a relationship only cares about self, that relationship is always destined for failure.) What’s really behind self-monitoring and impression management? This article on self-monitoring will get you thinking. And this one will get you thinking about impression management. Consider this: if your relationship began with self-monitoring and impression management, you’re probably struggling now aren’t you? (Counseling topic: self-image, desires.)
- How does “triangulation” affect relationships? A relationship cannot thrive where triangulation exists. (Counseling topic: relationships.)
- What is the single most important thing that must be learned in marriage counseling, marriage therapy, relationship counseling, parental counseling, and family counseling? (Counseling topic: marriage and relationships.)
We realize it’s bold to suggest we can answer these questions. Please read the bottom of the About Us page to see why we’re so confident.
MARRIAGE: If you want a better marriage, then go deeper in your understanding of people. When you understand yourself and hold yourself accountable, your relationships will change. When you understand others, and can have a little patience with their failings, your marriage and relationships will improve.
PARENTING: Your children need your guidance because they lack the wisdom to understand themselves and the world around them. You must guide their behavior, but how can you do that without understanding the “why” behind the behaviors? Children do what they do for very specific reasons and you should know what they are. TIP: one of the biggest lies of parenting is that if you discipline them and guide them too much that you will squash their creativity. The actual truth is that if you don’t help them do the right thing and point them in the right direction, they will often become chained to their own unhealthy desires, which will affect the rest of their lives.
Illustration: Think of the families you have known where the boys had little guidance or counsel from wise older males. How did the boys turn out? How many of them are loving and caring for others rather than themselves?
We should be cautious in making too much of a connection between man and animals, but there’s a lesson to be learned from The Delinquents of Pilanesberg.
Register now for the Three Desires Seminar in Green Bay, WI. Learn why you and others do what they do. You might be surprised at how clear the answers are. If you’re considering any kind of counseling, maybe consider this seminar first.
Do one more thing before you leave this site: visit the dates and schedule page. This will give you a better feel for the seminar.